Samishii
by Lauren-sama
Summary: [Clover] Of the two three-leafs, one last time. (update: finished. finally. so sorry for the ridiculous wait.)
1. Pooled Tears

AN: And, ladies and gentlemen, I present thee with another Clover fanfiction. A _real_ fanfic this time, too. More A stuff, because I've really developed a warped sort of liking for the guy. I feel sorry for him… Even if he _is_ portrayed as the villain of sorts in all the Ran/Gingetsu ficcies. ^^; But anyway, yes. Enjoy. Contemplate the issues of my messed-up mind.

---

A shuddered faintly, glancing down momentarily into the pool that lay beside him before immediately turning his head away again. His arms were wrapped tightly around his knees as he sat curled up on the ground, clutching tightly at the dirty gray-white fabric of his clothes. Everything was silent; it always was in the cage.

            Or at least, it always was now.

            Once there had been noise; conversation.

            Had it really been it really that long ago?

"No…" he whispered in a hollow tone. "Only a year…"

But every second of that year had felt like forever. A cold, fruitless eternity that echoed and enveloped him like a deathly-cold blanket. Once he would have welcomed the possibility of forever; indeed, before now the prospect of his eternal life had been a valued asset to him. He'd welcomed it with open arms.

_'…But that was when C was here,' he mused numbly, sending a flickering glance back to the pool of water at his feet. And without his brother there to share forever with him, the only thing that seemed welcome to the boy now was death._

He snickered faintly. Death. It sounded so easy; but from experience he knew that it was virtually impossible to achieve. There were no weapons in his 'cage'; they'd all been confiscated by the council. He couldn't starve himself; couldn't make himself bleed enough. Gods knew, he'd tried. The floor of the delicately-crafted prison was spattered with blood stains- blood stains, he mused ironically, from all three clovers who'd been housed in it. A, B, and C. Although the blood he'd forced himself to shed now far surpassed the faint spatters of crimson liquid ever having been released by his siblings.

The young boy looked back at the small pool at his feet, idly lowering his finger and swirling it in the crystal liquid. Soft, lapping ripples extended in silver rings around the spot of contact. One, two, three. A momentary pang struck his chest as he watched the rings; saw as they extended to the edge of the water and vanished. One two three.

_'A B C.'_

He was alone; the thought struck him with a painful bite. He was terribly, truly alone in a way he'd never imagined possible. He'd never thought that C would leave him; never thought that he would _betray him and find someone else._

_'I'm the only one who understands you, C. I'm the only one who loves you.'_

"…Why did you leave?"

Silence, of course, greeted his softly-whispered question. He winced, the air mutely laughing at him; ridiculing him for relying on one who had abandoned him and left him forever. His grip on him knees increased, skin beneath the fabric growing white from the desperate pressure of his fingertips. He was enveloping himself in a pained, longing hug; attempting to find a long-lost comfort he could barely remember.

_"Do you love me?"_

_"Yes."_

_"More than anything?"_

_"Yes."_

The conversation echoed in his head as if obscured by mist. That had been his last conversation with C; with anyone. Once or twice afterwards, someone from the council tried to talk to him, but he'd only replied with the same, solitary phrase each time.

_"Where is C?"_

They'd closed off all communications after that. And he'd sat, then, alone. A part of his mind faintly suggested the possibility of escape; he'd done it once before, and he could do it again with minimal trouble. The security on this place was laughable, to be sure. He could go out. He could see C; they could be together again.

But each time his mind suggested this ethereal possibility it was always combated with images; images of C and that man, of C standing in his way; of his scared, angry eyes. C never got angry. That was what his mind echoed numbly as it recalled that gaze. C never got angry, and _never at him. To bear the weight of that glare again would be impossible to withstand._

_"I'll kill myself__ before I let you kill again."_

That was what he had said. That was the line that had broken A's heart, that had unleashed the tears for the first time as he broke down, sobbing, into his twin's arms. He wished more than anything for the same comfort now; but he was alone. There was no one to embrace him; no one to care.

Even B, he reflected in a hollow sort of way, would be some sort of comfort. And that was saying something; there hadn't been one second in his existence that he could recall _not_ hating the third three-leaf. That bland expression, the eternally calm façade… B never got angry. B never cried. B had never _needed_ C. Not like him; the other boy was so undeserving of his twin's comforts, it infuriated A every time he saw one nestled in the other's arms.

But even B was better than being alone. Better than being trapped for an eternity with only cold, lifeless walls and shields of glass to keep you company.

_'…Maybe if I ask they'll get me a bird…' he mused. But that was no comfort; the council would never agree, and what good would a __bird do him, anyway? Besides, birds died. And death, he imagined, would be harder to stomach than solitude ever was._

He sunk down, nestling his chin hopelessly in between the gap of his knees. His long, ebony-black hair slipped down his shoulders and hung over his face. And his eyes, unconsciously, drifted back to the small pool of water that lay beside him.

The thing couldn't be considered a true 'pool' by definition; only a shallow puddle, a concentration of pooled tears. His tears. It'd been a sort of warped goal of his; to let his tears all fall in one spot until they formed a concentration of water large enough to see himself in. They hadn't evaporated due to the biting-cold temperature of the cage; and now he could glance down and look at his reflection. A small part of him had hoped that by glancing down, somehow, he could make himself believe that he was looking at C.

But he only saw A. The only face he could glimpse in the water's depths was that of a pale, blotched, barely-adolescent child who had nothing left to live for. A picture of what he had become; a painful reminder that, for now and forever, he was alone.

And the boy cried, his crystalline tears rolling slowly down his face like rainwater.


	2. Mumbled Conversation

AN: …Yup. I hadn't originally planned to, but after the subject was embedded into my mind I have been forced to turn this into a multiparter. Thanks so much to Masamune (I appreciate the intelligent input very much) and Eli_evermore (wow… I have a rabid fan… *feels special*) for reviewing the story; and thanks to Koorime of Noire Sensus for sending me an e-mail about it (this is the first time I've ever gotten an offer for my stories to be hosted somewhere, and it made me feel rather honored). 

This part takes place the same time as the last; roughly a year after Clover 4. Ran, I hypothesize, would be about the age (perhaps a little younger) he's shown as in Clover 3.

---

Ran sighed.

            "What is it?"

            "Huh?" Startled by the sudden noise, he whipped his head upward, only to come face-to-face with Gingetsu's stoic glance. He sighed. "…Oh. Nothing."

            The older man watched him for a second more. Ran imagined that under that visor his eyes would be narrowed with suspicion; but, alas, he could see nothing through the painfully-opaque shield. He sighed again.

            "Something's wrong," the man concluded.

            "Oh- ah- no!" the boy exclaimed in a flustered haze, sitting up fully and shaking his head. "I- I'm alright. I was just… thinking, that's all."

            "About what?"

            "…Nothing important," he replied vaguely. At this, Gingetsu gave him another odd stare; he let out another sigh in response. "Honest. If there was something wrong, you'd be the first one I'd tell it to."

            "Something _is wrong." Abandoning his post at the doorway, the boy's caretaker walked over to him. _

            "It's really nothing important," the youth insisted again, blushing faintly as the older man sat down next to him on the couch. "You... ah… it's nothing you should worry about."

            "Is it about me?"

            The sudden question caught Ran by surprise; sending Gingestu a short glance, he shook his head.

            "…No…"

            "Is it about you?"

            The boy blinked.

            "No…"

            "Is it the weather?"

            He cocked his head.

            "…Why would it be the weather?"

            "Is it about the bird that flew into the front window yesterday?"

            Ran sent Gingetsu a positively odd look before shaking his head again.

            "You want a girlfriend, then?"

            The stare Gingetsu got at this comment was the longest, most bewildered one yet; but it was immediately followed by a sudden burst of chuckling as Ran nestled himself next to his older companion.

            "You _do have a sense of humor," he accused playfully, looking up at the man with an affectionate glance. Gingetsu just glanced back at him, his tone emotionless as always._

            "I do not."

            "Yes you do!" Ran insisted. "You just keep trying to hide it because if people knew they wouldn't be afraid of you."

            Gingetsu watched the boy sitting beside him for a single, almost warm moment before transitioning topics.

            "…Will you tell me what's bothering you?"

            Ran gave him a short, reproachful glance; then, letting out his fourth sigh of the day, nodded.

            "Fine. It's…" He paused. 

"Go ahead."

"…I was thinking about A," he admitted heavily

            "A?" Gingetsu repeated in faint surprise. "…Your brother?"

            The boy nodded, his face clouding over with an expression of melancholy. Gingetsu waited to see if he'd say anything before making another comment.

            "You're lonely, then?" he guessed. Ran glanced up at him before slowly shaking his head.

            "…No… You're all the company I need…" the boy paused again. "…But…"

            "…I'm not your brother," Gingetsu finished.

            "…Yeah." Ran sunk into the couch with a small frown. "He's lonely."

            "How do you know?"

            "I… hear him," he explained, his eyes fixed somewhere on the hardwood floor of the sitting room. "In my head. He, myself, and B- we all shared a psychic connection, ever since the beginning. There hasn't been a day of my life I haven't heard one of their thoughts…"

            "Couldn't you talk to him like that?" Gingetsu inquired, glancing down. "Just through your mind?"

            "…If I wanted to, yes," he admitted. "He's been trying to get in touch with me."

            "Do you miss him?"

            "…Of course." The boy looked up. "He's my brother."

            "Why don't you talk back to him, then?"

            Ran took a few seconds to respond to this one; sighing heavily for the fifth time, he leaned back into the older man's side.

            "…I can never go back to the cage," he admitted. Gingetsu nodded.

            "I know."

            "I don't want to- there's no way I could stay with him for any longer than I did. Things were getting… dangerous."

            "Dangerous?"

            "I… get this feeling... that the more I'm around A, the more… possessive he gets. You saw how far he went. I couldn't stay around him any longer." The boy paused. "…I thought that if I tried to talk back it would just… encourage him; so I've been ignoring him. I figured that if I was silent for long enough… that maybe he'd stop trying. Maybe he'd forget about me."

            "But he hasn't."

            "No…" Ran's voice was filled with a melancholy guilt. "A's so lonely… He wants me to come back. But he doesn't understand…" He looked up with a hopeless glance. "It's all my fault, isn't it?"

            Silence. The boy attempted to glance at the older man's face. 

            "…Gingetsu?"

            "Do you want to think that?" The response was a very typical Gingetsu one; short, clipped, liable to take one by complete surprise. It was the kind of thing that one would need to ponder for a second in order to realize what he was referring to.

            Ran blinked.

            "...Eh?"

            "Do you want to think that?" the man repeated. Ran watched him for a second in mild bewilderment then slowly shook his head.

            "…No…"

            "What do you want?"

            A mild break from the routine. The boy stared up at him once more in faint surprise, taking a second to think.

            "I want…" He paused. "I want to see A. Just once more- I… want to say goodbye."

            Gingetsu looked down at him and, for a fraction of a second, the younger of the two could have sworn that their eyes had met.

            "…Then do as you like."


	3. Terse Agreements

AN: First off, forgive me for the rather lengthy period of time it took me to write this chapter. I've been way too easygoing these past days… And a minor case of writers' block didn't help much either. Thanks again to the reviewers of this story; your input truly means a lot to me.

But anyway; this is the obligatory 'boring chapter that moves the plot'- probably not so enjoyable to read, but one needs it for the story to progress. Let me note now that I had very little to base Shuu's personality on, and thus might have portrayed him out-of-character; I also have no idea how these people address one another in terms of military titles and such, so forgive me if I did that wrong.

Shuu is, in case one forgets, that old wizard (not Ko; the other one [he is male]) who appears in most of the Clover volumes. He talked briefly to Ran in volume four.

---

The crisp, empty silence of Shuu's quarters was interrupted in a rather jarring manner by a clipped voice that rang in the aged man's ears.

            "Sir."

            It took Shuu a few seconds to adjust to the sudden intrusion of his solitude; after said moment of recollection, the aged wizard's eyes widened in dry surprise, his ears, from habit, recognizing the voice.

            "…Gingetsu?"

            "Yes."

            He paused - from bewilderment, if nothing else- before responding, his eyes attached dubiously to the transmitter the voice came from.

            "Why are you contacting me?"

            There was a clipped, dry silence on the opposite end; the wizard Shuu's expression remained still as he waited for the obligatory response.

            "…I wish to request something."

            "A request?" he repeated, an odd look flitting across his face. "This is a first, Gingetsu."

            "I'm aware of that."

The aged man blinked. It was, indeed, an unusual occurrence- Gingetsu had rarely asked for anything in his dealings with the wizards. The man was a perfect soldier; he wanted nothing.

            Shuu's eyes narrowed in faint suspicion.

            "…Does it involve the three-leaf?"

            Another minute pause.

            "Yes."

            This made the aged man furrow his brow.

            "…Gingetsu, I agreed to let you keep that child in your home on the condition that you would ask for no more pertaining to his status or liberties. I do not know what… sentimentality you may have developed for him, but there is very little you can ask for the boy that I can allow."

            "…I understand."

            "Do you still wish to ask?" he pressed gently.

            "Yes."

            The answer came so readily that Shuu's face pooled with baffled surprise. Even though the other man's voice failed to carry the slightest bit of emotion, it was clear (to one who knew Gingetsu well) that he was, for some unimaginable reason, firmly set in his mind about whatever he wished to request- which was a very peculiar thing for the general to display.

            _'What about the three-leaf could he possibly be so determined to find?'_

            "…State your subject, then," Shuu granted, his orderly tone concealing the curiosity the question permitted.

            Another second passed before Gingetsu replied.

            "The three-leaf-" Using Ran's label so as to create an understanding with the older wizard, "-wishes permission to visit his brother, A."

            The wizard's eyes widened at the blunt request; a small frown made itself visible against his pale, wrinkled skin as the statement sunk in. His gaze hardened.

            "…Gingetsu, you know there's no way I could allow that."

            "It's what he asks."

            This was Gingetsu in his purest form; simple, tactless, and to the point. Once he had his unfathomable mind set on arguing something, Shuu knew, the pale-haired man wouldn't even let a second of silence pass before challenging an opponent's argument with a clipped, driving response that left no space for a suitable counterattack. It was, in this context, quite an irritation.

            "What he asks," Shuu responded dryly, "is nothing compared to the will of any of the five wizards. I would be more than reluctant to let the three-leaf out of his isolation under ever harmless circumstances- A is the last person I would ever allow him to see. You know that, Gingetsu." The man's tone, cracked with age, still held an undeniable note of authority. "…As a man of your position, you cannot afford to make such foolish, emotional judgments."

            "His mental condition is becoming increasingly unstable."

            The clipped, acute observation left the air ringing with a sort of numb, chilled atmosphere, disrupting what position of commandment the wizard had held before.

            "…C's?"

            "Ran can't concentrate," Gingetsu continued, his tone the same dry monotone. "He's stopped eating at meals; he hasn't slept. He is in a constant state of depression."

            Shuu's face was unreadable at this stage; his reply was a hesitant one.

            "You… noticed all this, Gingetsu?"

            "He tried to hide it," the man responded. "I don't think he wanted me to worry."

            "But he is thinking about it…" the wizard mused.

            "Yes."

            Shuu took a careful moment to think before prodding the conversation onward.

            "…Why does he wish to visit A?"

            "I believe he wants to say goodbye."

            "Goodbye?" the wizard repeated, his tone mildly perplexed. "I wouldn't have thought that much of a reason."

            "It's what I've assumed from his conversation."

            "...And you can trust his word?"

            "I've never seen him lie."

            "Is that enough?"

            "I see no other reason for him to wish for such a thing."

            "…To say goodbye…" the man agreed, his face turning thoughtful. "…C was the emotional one, wasn't he?"

            "I've gathered such."

            "He… would be concerned about his brother…"

            "It would only be one encounter."

            "…Yes," the wizard agreed. "But still…"

            "I don't think he'd ever bother you again after this. If he knew, I doubt he'd even allow me to ask permission in the first place."

            The final silence lasted nearly a minute; echoing between the two connections with a tense anticipation. Gingetsu sat, unmoving, on one end; on the other, the wizard Shuu's face clouded over with an aura of deep, grudging thought.

            Then, the mood was broken with a soft sigh.

            "…Perhaps."

            Gingetsu didn't need to respond to show that he understood; Shuu sighed.

            "The council would never allow this, you know."

            "That's why I asked you."

            The wizard's eyes widened; then, faintly, he chuckled.

            "…You'll be the ruin of me, one of these days," the man vowed with a helpless smirk. "You or Kazuhiko."

            "I'll take him tomorrow."

            "Yes, you do that," the man agreed absentmindedly; then, his tone turned strict as he took a moment to compose himself. "You have to keep the matter strictly confidential, you understand. This is only a one-time favor."

            "I understand."

            With a faint click, the transmission was ended.


	4. Hollow Resolutions

AN: …I feel so unworthy. This chapter has been collecting dust on my hard drive _forever_ as my inspiration selfishly abandoned it and engaged in flighty projects elsewhere. I hope the reviewers of the story can forgive me for the terrible amount of time it took to get this part done. ^^; You are all wonderful, and I'm so glad you've been putting up with me and enjoying this story. Thanks to Rinrin-Chikage for reviewing this for the first time, and thanks to COSE and Masamune for reviewing again; thanks also to kawaiishinichan and Suu-Happiness who reviewed chapter two but didn't get proper name-verification in the 'thanks' section of chapter three.  
  


  
  


This part is longer than the other chapters. It doesn't necessarily make sense, experiments a bit with the strangely stylistic (and funky scene separators), and might not "fit" with sections 1 through 3 in the way it's written; hopefully, though, it will be enjoyable all the same. I'm not sure how well I dealt with the conclusion, but hopefully it's suitably resolved. If I have time, I'm going to try to give the first few parts of this story a slight makeover, and maybe break this part into more logical chapter-like chunks; we'll have to see.  
  


  
  


Thanks, again, to the people who have read this, reviewed it, and put up with my turtle-like writing pace. I hope this is to your satisfaction.  
  


  
  


---------  
  


  
  


It was like a dream; sudden and swift and so faint that it hardly seemed real, hardly seemed tangible enough to touch. A moment, one out of eternity, so flitting that A honestly thought he'd imagined it-  
  


            ~_'I'm coming to see you.'~  
  
_

            That had been all. His eyes snapped wide open, body suddenly becoming animated with nervous energy; his breath quickened as his limbs went tense, waiting, hoping for more…  
  


But, of course, there was no more. Just that tantalizing, unbelievable phrase, hanging in the air like an illusion.  
  


Was it real?  
  


_'I'm coming to see you.'_  
  


_~'C?!'~_ His mind reached out; desperate, clinging. ~_'C! Are you there? Can you hear me?!'~_  
  


No response, no acknowledgement; just that cold, bitter silence, weighing down upon him like a muffler. His face, so pale with astonishment, held a look of utmost longing.  
  


_~'I need you…'~_ The boy's plea rang silently, echoing his expression with a painful twinge. _~'…C…'~_  
  


He almost let himself continue, shouting out his thoughts in a rushing sea of jumbled feeling - I miss you, I want you, I hate you, I love you, I need you back...  
  


But something stopped him. A faint, solitary spark; a gleam of hope, of promise.  
  


_'I'm coming to see you.'_  
  


That was what C had said. That was what he had promised.  
  


Maybe, just once, it would be sweeter to savor thoughts left unvoiced; to let his comments ripen until they could be spoken in person.  
  


[ - - -  
  


            "I'm sorry."  
  


            Gingetsu half-turned his head at the comment, glancing down at the boy beside him. Ran's eyes were on the ground as they walked; he seemed too self-conscious to observe the world he'd been shut up from for so long, and were it not for Gingetsu's presence beside him the three-leaf might very well have run into something.  
  


            "…Sorry?"  
  


            "You're going out of your way to do this for me," he clarified. "You didn't need to."  
  


            Gingetsu didn't deem this particular comment worthy of a response, so he decided to remain silent. Ran noticed.  
  


            "You - really, you didn't have to…" he fumbled helplessly. "I mean - I know you have work and all, and this is probably bothersome, so I'm sorry I'm wasting your time and…"  
  


            Still that silence. Ran looked up.  
  


            "…I'm being ridiculous again, aren't I?"  
  


            "Yes."  
  


            "Oh." Pause. "I'm-"  
  


            "You don't need to apologize."  
  


            There was another pause, then; soft, introspective, mutual. The two were surrounded by people on all sides, yet the world seemed to stop for a second; it was nice.  
  


            "I mean… thank you," the boy admitted. "Thanks for coming with me." He cautiously searched for any hint of expression on the older man's face.   
  


            Gingetsu nodded shortly, eyes moving back to the cement-paved road ahead. "It'll be another fifteen minutes until we get there."  
  


            "Oh?" Ran's eyes turned contemplative. "…That's soon."  
  


            "It's not very far."  
  


            "Yeah…" Ran's face was mildly troubled. Self-consciously noting the silence, he let his gaze fall back to the ground.   
  


            The world around them was busy with movement as people rushed back and forth; it was stuffy, but the air was still chilled by sharp wind. The sky above was dark, blotted with clouds that gave the streets a heavy sort of atmosphere. Had it been raining, Ran might have felt a sense of déjà vu. As it was, he felt out of place in the stale, alien atmosphere and unconsciously, his left hand reached out to gently grab the edge of Gingetsu's coat. The older man glanced down in mild surprise, but Ran didn't seem to notice what he was doing. Gingetsu turned back to the bustling street and pulled him. They were getting closer.  
  


- [ - -  
  


            They had been required to come to the Facility on a day when none of the assisting faculty had been present; Gingetsu didn't know how Shuu had managed the fact, but the building he and Ran stepped into was eerily silent. The walls were reinforced with dull coats of metal that shined with hints of reflection as the two moved past them. The floor they walked on rung with hollow, clanging echoes. It was a good thing that no one was there to hear.  
  


            They walked on.  
  


            A's cage was situated far within this labyrinth, the tunnels of metal that served as a sort of feeble precaution to prevent three-leaves from escaping. Naturally, it hadn't worked; a clover of such a level could navigate its way through a maze merely by reaching out its mind toward the world outside. Ran was doing the opposite as, still holding Gingetsu's jacket, he searched for A's presence to lead him within; he'd traveled the path before, so it wasn't that difficult. Gingetsu watched him with a sort of subtle interest. He noted unconsciously how the boy held himself: the way his footsteps fell on the cold floors, how his pace seemed to quicken as he led him onward. They were passing closed doors that, no doubt, contained labs or testing rooms. The air around them was cool and metallic, hovering deathly-still.  
  


            They walked on.  
  


            If Ran was feeling any sort of anticipation or fear, it was difficult to tell; to all outward appearances, the boy looked the same. He didn't seem tense, and it was only a guess as to whether his breath was coming quicker. His face wasn't pale.  
  


            His hand, however, seemed of a different sentiment. Ran's knuckles were white as his fingers interlocked desperately with the rough piece of fabric that was Gingetsu's jacket and the imprint of finger bones protruded from his unnaturally thin hand. It was as if he'd channeled his anxiety into his fingers. Gingetsu contemplated this for a bit before his eyes fixated themselves back on the hall.  
  


            They walked on.  
  


            The building was so clean that it looked to have never been used before. There were no spots, no stains, no dirt on the walls the two passed - no dust, even, to gather in dark corners or cling to unused handles. They breathed in air that was sterile and, in some way, stale. Instead of windows, there were lights; they let off light that was a faded, sickly yellow, a feeble impression of sunlight that had aged over time. The place was reminiscent of a hospital ward. From his years working alongside them, Gingetsu had come to conclude that the Wizards and the scientists under them seemed to have a fanatic obsession with keeping things (like the labyrinth) clean; it was almost as if they were trying to purge themselves of the filth that came with their operation. Ironically enough, the compulsion only amplified the unnaturalness of their work.  
  


            Neither Gingetsu nor Ran spoke. The silence in the place was so thick that it wouldn't be broken; there seemed to be a code of formality that hung in the air, something that insisted: "keep silent, and don't make a sound."  
  


They walked on.  
  


- - [ -  
  


            A sat in the cage, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head resting on them. He was caught in a strange in-between phase, trapped between the numbness that had become a norm and painful, desperate awareness. He'd wrenched his eyes shut, but his ears were listening.  
  


            When a soft mechanical _whirr_ sounded from the entrance to the cage, his head snapped up. The door, iron and gilded with locks, was slowly parting and melting into the walls on either side; he could only watch, mesmerized, as it slid open and the strange, fluorescent light that lay beyond flooded the room. It was bright. Having sat in darkness for so long, he shied his glance away.  
  


            A heard footsteps, hesitantly stepping in. He was almost afraid to look.  
  


            They stopped.  
  


            "…A?"  
  


            That banished every trace of hesitation from his mind: it was _his voice, kind and uncertain and confused, and A scrambled to his feet and ran over, arms grappling desperately around the torso of the newcomer and clutching him tight.  
  
_

            "C, C, C, C, C…" It seemed like that was the only word he knew. It was the only word he could say as he pressed his face close, overwhelming himself with his brother's presence and scent. "Oh… God, C…"  
  


            "A…" The voice he heard was lost, now, filled with sympathy. For _him.  
  
_

            He hugged C tighter.  
  


            "I missed you so much," he said; his voice was choked. "They wouldn't let me talk to you… They didn't let me know where you were…"  
  


            Uneasiness.  
  


            "…They?"  
  


"The wizards." The word fell off his tongue as if it was an insult.  
  


"That wasn't their fault."  
  


            "It _was their fault," A hissed. "The wizards didn't want me to find you."  
  
_

            "A, they didn't do anything." There was a note of hesitation in the other's voice. "I was afraid to talk to you."  
  


            C's voice was soothing.  
  


            "…Afraid?" he repeated, his voice lapsing into the sleepy contentment that showed he wasn't thinking of what he was saying. "Why would you be afraid?"  
  


            "…I…"  
  


            "You love me, right?" he asked. "I love you. I love you more than anything."  
  


            "…So do I."  
  


            "We promised," A remembered. "You said you loved me the most."  
  


            "I do."  
  


            "Right," he said, pressing his face into the other's chest. It had C's scent, too; a year had passed, but his brother still had the same smell. He closed his eyes.  
  


            "I knew you'd come back…" he sighed. "I needed you, C. We're the same. We're part of one thing."  
  


            Once, C had said he would never return to the cage, and once A had thought he'd understood; he couldn't comprehend it now, though. Everything _fit here. This was how things were supposed to be.  
  
_

            _"A, listen to me… We're locked up because we're together. If we live apart from each other, we wont have to go back there ever again."  
  
_

How could that have made sense? They were together because they were locked up. If that was the only way they could see one another… What did cages matter?  
  


            "I don't think so."  
  


            "What?" The sudden reply made him jump back to awareness.  
  


            "I don't think we're the same."  
  


            What?  
  


"…But we are," he insisted slowly. "We're identical. I'm the only one who knows you, and you're the only one who can understand me. We're one."  
  


            "Do you know me?" C's voice was strange.  
  


            "…Of course I do," he replied with surprise.  
  


            "You haven't seen me for a year."  
  


            "What's a year?" A couldn't comprehend a year. What did a year matter when there was the present to contend with? "I've been with you my whole life."  
  


            "…A, look at me."  
  


            It was a surprising request. Loosening his grasp, A stepped back and looked up, for the first time, at the person who had entered his cage. It was then that he realized something.  
  


            It wasn't C he was looking at.  
  


            The fact doused him like a bucket of horribly cold water, freezing his blood and draining the color from his face. He stared.   
  


"…No…"  
  


            "Things happen during a year," the other explained, looking sad in a way he couldn't identify. This person was completely foreign. He was an older man, taller and stranger and terribly different from the C he'd been expecting; he didn't belong here. He wasn't the one he'd been waiting for.  
  


            "You're not C," A snarled, stumbling back. "W- who are you?!"  
  


            "…A, I-"  
  


            "You're not C!"  
  


            The older man reached out his hand.  
  


            "Don't touch me!" he yelled, shoving him away.  
  


            As he watched the man stumble, he didn't know how he could have confused the two. It was only their voices that were similar- everything else was wrong. He was fragile, like C, but not as delicate; his hair was the same color, but it was chopped painfully short. C wouldn't have done that. It couldn't be C that stood in front of him.  
  


            His eyes narrowed.  
  


            "…Leave me alone…"  
  


            "What?"  
  


            "Go away." A clenched his fists. "I need C."  
  


            "I-"  
  


            "-Don't try to keep me away from him!"  
  


            He'd said he'd come. He'd _promised_. Why wasn't he here? Who was this?  
  


            The mind-speak came as a shock.  
  


            _~'A.'~  
  
_

            He froze. His eyes widened, disbelieving and knowing full well that the voice he'd heard was impossible for him to be hearing, couldn't have come back, but…  
  


            _~'…C?'~ he questioned shakily.  
  
_

_            ~'I'm here.'~_  
  


What?  
  


A looked up uneasily, and the man was watching him.  
  


            _~'I'm here,'~ he said again.  
  
_

            "I change when I'm outside," C explained. "I grow older."  
  


            _~'This is me.'~  
  
_

            "…It's really you?"  
  


            "For a little while," the other replied. He smiled weakly, and it was C's smile.  
  


- - - -]  
  


            They weren't so much two people now as they were a combination, a mixture of tightly intertwined limbs and breaths that merged together to form the same scent. Their eyes were closed.  
  


            "He's waiting outside, isn't he?"  
  


            "Who?"  
  


            "Him. The one I saw you with before."  
  


            "…Yes."  
  


            "He's a two-leaf?"  
  


            "Right."  
  


            "Does he take care of you? You're alright there?"  
  


            The other nodded.  
  


            "But you still miss me?"  
  


            "I still miss you."  
  


            "You just can't come to see me." His voice was uncertain.  
  


            "…It doesn't work when we see each other. I'm unhappy, or you're unhappy…"  
  


            _"As long as we're together, we're trapped."  
  
_

"But I'm _not unhappy."  
  
_

            The other didn't respond.  
  


            "C, you're not unhappy either, are you? Not now?"  
  


            "…I don't know."  
  


            "What do you mean?" he asked lazily.  
  


            "I just don't know, A…"  
  


            "It's not like it's a hard question," he pointed out.  
  


            "…I guess not."  
  


            "Come on," he coaxed him. "You're not unhappy, are you? Tell me."  
  


            No answer.  
  


            "Talk to me, C," he pressed. Every moment of hesitation made him more and more awake.  
  


            It came, finally, as a mumble:  
  


            "…I'm not unhappy."  
  


            But C's tone held no conviction.  
  


            A's eyes narrowed.  
  


            "Why are you lying to me?" he demanded. "What's so complicated about it?"  
  


            "I- that wasn't a lie…"  
  


            "How could you be unhappy?" His voice had grown sharp. "What's wrong?"  
  


            "…Nothing's wrong-"  
  


            "-What's so good about things out there?" he pressed. "Out there, you'll die!"  
  


            At that word, 'die,' A was suddenly shot through with a hollow feeling.  
  


            -_The floor of the delicately crafted prison was spattered with bloodstains-  
  
_

_            "I'll kill _myself_ before I let you kill again."  
  
_

_            -couldn't starve himself, couldn't make himself bleed enough-_  
  


_            "…If I make you go back, you'll die."_  
  


_            -blood stains, he mused ironically, from all three clovers-_  
  


"…It's better than living forever," C quietly replied.  
  


            _-without his brother there to share forever with him, the only thing that seemed welcome to the boy now was-  
  
_

            "Better than forever?" he repeated, hollowly. "I wouldn't know." His glance fell.  
  


            There was a pause.  
  


            "…I'm leaving now, A."  
  


            He nodded mutely.  
  


            "I'll miss you."  
  


            A couldn't watch his brother as he left, the doors closing behind him and cutting off the light from the hall.  
  


            _'…What was that?'  
  
_

He didn't know.  
  


  
  


=/-+-=\\'';|+==*--=+++\'';[///;-__-~`;;[}}=|+--=/^#-==//]]\|;)0…?]{==+'[;;//-#_:/\;]--\\;%  
  


  
  


            Gingetsu noticed the way that Ran kept his eyes on the ground as he came out of the metal doors. He saw how his hands were clutched tightly on the hems of his sleeves, how his feet nudged their way across the floor instead of striding. He watched him make his way over, wordless, and stop as he waited for instruction.  
  


            Gingetsu knew better than to say anything. He nodded shortly, watching Ran for a second more before turning back to the corridor they'd come from; it lay, waiting, a maze of metal mirrors. He paused, almost contemplating whether to ask Ran if he wanted to talk about it? – but he decided it wasn't a thing he should interfere in. Instead, he reached out a hand, offering it as a sort of familiar land in the darkness. Ran took it, and he noted dully how the boy's thin hand felt in his own.  
  


            He took the first step, and Ran followed.  
  


They walked back.  
  


  
  


-- s – a – m – i – s – h – i --  
  


  
  


            It was almost funny, but A could almost imagine he heard someone singing.  
  


            _Blue water_  
  


            The voice was the kind of sound that seemed to disappear if he focused too closely; it drifted in the air, humming with a sort of melancholy lilt.  
  


            C was gone.  
  


            _Blue sky_  
  


            C had been gone for seconds, minutes, hours – some amount of time that seemed to waver in impossible intervals, going from just a second back to days. He really couldn't tell. He wasn't quite sure how to feel about it.  
  


            _The same, one, together_  
  


            He was lonely. It was strange, though, because it wasn't the same kind of loneliness as before; it was sad, and unfulfilling, and empty and chilling and scary-  
  


            _but__ different_  
  


            -but it wasn't as possessive of him as it had been. He wasn't sure what the change was.  
  


            _Different_  
  


The voice intermixed with his thoughts, filling him with its rich note. The singer, he decided, was a woman. She sounded sad.  
  


            _One goes one forever_  
  


He thought about what C had said. About eternity, and death, and everything he'd ever talked about.  
  


_            "It's better than living forever,"_ he'd said just now.  
  


            _But the other- _sang the voice  
  


            Was he right?  
  


            _-is just-_  
  


            A wasn't sure.  
  


            _-a shallow reflection_  
  


A part of him didn't want to think about the question. He didn't want to see C dying, or living forever, or anything like that; he didn't want to think about what an eternity would really be like. A year had been bad enough.  
  


            _What happens_, sang the woman, _when there is no sky?_  
  


She did have a nice voice. Idly resting his head on folded arms, he spread himself out on the ground.  
  


He was feeling sleepy, he realized. His thoughts were coming slowly, sluggish enough that it was getting difficult to continue an idea in his mind.  
  


            _~'…C…'~_ he said drowsily.  
  


            _What color-_  
  


His eyelids were feeling heavier.  
  


            _-is-_  
  


_            ~'I…'~_  
  


_            -the-_  
  


_            ~'…I-'~_  
  


_            -ocean?-_  
  


_            ~'-I think-'~_  
  


He stopped in mid-thought as his eyes fell shut and he went limp.  
  


  
  


-end-  
  



End file.
